I can’t believe we’re already at two years since my first post.
Status Report: Living in KY is great, though I have been on the road a lot. I’m really looking forward to more time at home, though it has been good fun doing my job for U.S. Labor Against the War
On the ever-so-difficult emotional health front, I am constantly reminded that when I’m playing my cards right I can get anything done and still be able to manage how I am feeling. But I need to respect my physical health too and take a break (like I am today, for the most part.) Exercise can be harder to pull off but I’m recognizing the need to get off my ass and move. Sometimes it can even be fun!
Two years ago, I had a rough time and it got pretty deep pretty fast. But it didn’t last. Nothing stays the same forever. Something to keep in my back pocket when seas get rough…
All my bipolar folks out there, remember that you aren’t by yourself in this. At minimum, you got me. Reach out if you need help, take a break if you need a break, and don’t forget to drink a glass of goddamn water. Your body and your mind need that shit and we need you.
I spent a lot of time in union halls in the early 2000s, at first with union memberships and later with leadership as my role (and experience level) changed. I got to know a lot of people and learned a lot. More often than not, I would find myself alone with a group of men and we, once my supervisor left the room, would inevitably let the situation turn bawdy. Stories would be told, lies or truths, and we would reminisce.
I have been in two or three situations similar to the one depicted in the Donald Trump audio that is now everywhere. As a young guy, I often played the role of a Billy Bush. I would chuckle and go along for the ride. I would laugh as the alpha demonized a conquest or hinted at a situation like the one Trump described. I played along.
That was pretty fucked up. I was wrong to do that. I am sorry for my role in those situations.
Sometimes I was playing politics. Sometimes I was being naive about what was being said. But sometimes… I was going along because I thought that was how things should be.
I am sorry for being that kind of guy.
My confidence level grew and I started learning from men I admire. I learned that I could choose male allies, friends, and mentors. I recognized patterns in my own behavior that lead to bad relationships and stupid decisions. I learned and I grew up. I took responsibility.
I still do stupid things. But I recognize them as wrong and I apologize for them. I am not perfect. Most of the time, I am a very human mess.
My circles are different now. My introversion keeps me from maintaining a huge number of close friends, but the ones I do have aren’t Donalds and they wouldn’t tolerate a Billy in their lives.
I am sorry.
“We are what we repeatedly do.”